Witty Title About Nun Blogs
Reader, I've been on a bender.
By bender, I mean I've been in a haze of internet activity, and once I gained lucidity, I've found myself subscribed to at least 15 different Cloistered Monastery Newsletters.
...what?
Okay, history time. When I was young, I was raised in a decently religious environment. I wasn't someone who went to church every day, but the presence of God was something that was always a stated (and implicit) given in my life and environment. Prayer was constant and consistent, and the bible was read and reread. Functions and hobbies were done basically through the church whenever possible.
So, as I grew older, I started to wonder how my future was going to be. This led to me seriously consider leading a religious life, possibly even one that was cloistered. This was encouraged by those around me over the years. But, due to some internal1 and external2 circumstances, those plans were thrown out the window shortly before I left for college.
So...why?
Look, I'm going to be honest with you here: I have never been formally diagnosed with being on the Autistic Spectrum. As such, I don't even have the inkling that I'm "not diagnosed but Pretty Sure". I do have ADHD, which lends itself to a lot of similar presentations, but I don't consider myself in any way as having autism.
But if I were to designate something as my all-pervasive, undending, obsessive Special Interest, it would be cloistered religious orders.
In the same way people learn about trains or complex math formulas, I study about the systems, orders, steps of formation, vocations, and everything else, which is VERY HARD when most of these orders don't have any contact with the outside world. That has changed, though, as now (and over the past ten years or so) these groups have decided to grace us with the presence of web pages. Since then, I've been able to learn quite a bit more.
For the record, I should state that I am in no way christian, to any sort of degree anymore. That's what makes this fixation I have on this extra odd, if you look at it with any sort of critical eye. Because of that, this topic isn't something I talk about in any great length, so honestly I'm expecting most people who know me to be slightly flashbanged by this. Not completely, though, as I've let my casual knowedge show from time to time.
You're gonna tell me about your observations now, aren't you?
You're damn right I'm going to do that. I'm not going to write about all of the newsletters and such I recieve, because that is a lot of time and writing that my executive dysfunction says I don't have the brain space for right now, but I'll give you a sampling of the latest updates to my inbox. A little bit about each order alongside my thoughts on their webpage.
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Handmaids of the Precious Blood
Found Here
The Handmaids are an order that stands out in two ways: They wear wine-red habits3, and they "pray for priests". Typically cloistered/contemplative orders center their lives around prayer, but I've noticed that HotPB's specifically are "for priests" vs other orders focusing on the world at large.
Something I appreciate right off the bat is that, unlike a lot of these websites, when talking about possible Vocation (becoming a Monk/Nun), they are very forward to call their way of life "frankly unnatural", which is honestly a breath of honesty that you don't see. I appreciate that they're plainly stating "look, we live in a small community of only each other and pray, taking away all life comforts, so maybe assess if you can handle that mentally"4. It's...nice.
The thing is, though, alongside that, I am reminded of various reasons as to why I am not religious. They have an artist who does weekly little comic strips about life in the monastery, and while they're....innocently cute most of the time (think "God's Data Plan is unlimited, no monthly fee!" kinda deal), there's the occasional sharp hit of the current belief systems that starkly contrast with how I live my life. I will go so far as to call it bigoted in some cases. In all honestly, it's the HotPB's website that makes me have to sit with those feelings of my interest in this way of life with the clear distaste of a large portion of what they stand for.
They also have two cats who are downright fuckin' adorable.
Trappist Monks of the Abbey of Gethsemani
Found Here
This is like, the only website of Monks that seem to have their shit together when it comes to maintaining a web presence. I fully understand the whole ordeal of "protecting our peace by not being online", but when you see what the Nuns have been up to it's like, c'mon dude, try harder.
Anyway, the TMotAoG's seem to be the largest order (with a web presence) that is full of guys that basically look like my dating pool in college.5 Whoever is in charge of their video production is honestly on top of their game, because these things look downright professional. Like most of the other blogs and newsletters on this list, the website is written in a distinctive voice that feels like the voice of Your Grandma and a Thomas Kinkade painting given vocal chords. I can't do much better than that in description, but honestly, just read some of these and it'll make sense.
Unlike other sites, though, this one is mostly Death Announcements, to (what feels like to me) an alarming rate. But on the other hand, their presentation of the fruitcake they make has me the closest I've been to giving one of these orders any money.
Passionist Nuns of St. Joseph Monastery
Found Here
Okay, so it's not a contest, but if it was, these nuns would be my favorite6. There's a consistent update schedule, a very well put together website, and honestly, it's all very nice. There's the added bonus of having a comment section, which, honestly, can provide some...interesting insights. My favorite comments, though, are the ones from friends and family of the sisters. Unlike a lot of these orders, the PNoSJM still actively gains new members on a fairly regular basis7 which means that there are people entering who are tech-savy enough to know how to operate a web browser. So you'll see the blog post about someone in their 20s entering the order last year and all the comments are along the lines of "Chrissy we miss you!! - Your COLLEGE VOLLYBALL TEAM" and things similar. Sometimes, they'll come back to the comments yearly and use the page as some sort of guestbook to track the years.
I don't know who they have on their team who apparently worked in WebDev before deciding to join a religious order (posts are never signed), but this order got hella lucky. They have links, a tag system, photo galleries. By the standards I usually look at this is a standout.
They also have a cat.
Benedictine Nuns of Our Lady of the Rock Benedictine Monastery
Found Here
This order has a few things going for it:
- 1. It exists on a small island in the upper-northwest corner of Washington State, an area I love and am very familiar with.
- B. It has the prettiest damn monastery out of the bunch8.
- III. The have farm animals.
Frankly, I'm easy to please sometimes. On top of that, though, they have a very comprehensive coverage of how one enters an order. Going back through their news blog9, you can find the story of one Nun going from Aspirant all the way up to Professed, which is a full story you don't see often. Even more so, the posts describe the steps and ceremony along the way, which is wonderful data.
On the other hand, though, this place is a disaster to navigate. It's like all the praise I spent on the Passionists just comes out as dissapointment here. The "news" section is only in reverse chronology. You can't view it by blog titles, and there seems to be no way to search. There's interesting information, but it all seems to be cluttered and not in a sort of logical order.
Monks of the Holy Protection Monastery
Found Here
I decided to look into these guys because this is a monastery that I could feasibly visit10, and while by most standards for these websites, this one is pretty basic, I'm going to be using it as a place to write an observation I've noticed.
For the Monk orders (and some Nuns), there's the written level of condescention that tends to seep through the writing on occasion, even more so for the HPM here. I know I'm not winning any sort of New Ideas awards here by stating this, but honestly, it's that vibe of "we love all, even you, you stupid, stupid person". On the other hand, though, they have a gift shop that sells jam, so that's cool11.
Nuns of the Visitation Monastery of Minneapolis
Found Here
I'm highlighting Visitandies for a very specific reason: while most orders don't let you join if you're over, say, 33-35, Visitandies allow for up to 55-60. They also are the order that allows those with things like existing health conditions and the like. I haven't spoken about it much prior to this entry, but these orders (mostly Carmelite and Dominican) have structures where they only get a 2-4 hours of sleep per night, and that's not the case here. Even more so, this specific group doesn't even wear a traditional habit, and while they engage with the community more than most on this list, they're still considered "comtemplative".
Honestly if they didn't trumpet how much they were Vistitandies12 at every turn, you'd honestly could just think this was a group of old women who decided to live together and help a local community. Honestly, I just kind of wish that's what they were. Website is serviceable, though (small rant) most Visitation Order websites seem to be made by someone who has only heard what a website was while falling asleep for 30 years.13
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Still here?
Alright, I think that's it, though honestly as I write this, I know this will be too long for my current format (that I chastised one of these blogs for, whoops), so this will probably appear with the redesign of my page.
Either way, I don't think this'll be something that I write about often. It's honestly pretty complicated internally as to why I have this interest, and I'm not one to speak or write on it that much, no matter how much I learn about it. I think I was just taken over my some spirit of writing and decided to commit this to a notepad while I had nothing else going on.
Next time, expect more talking about computers or fighting games, those are on my mind14.
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Footnotes
1. I Went Gay. ↩
2. I joined a cult, then left a cult, but that's a whole other story. ↩
3. If you're gonna try and correct me about the Sisters Adorers of the Precious Blood I KNOW ABOUT THEM and if you do too then you're just trying to start a fight with me here. ↩
4. Like, it outright states "depression/anxiety/OCD aren't gonna be fixed here, and will probably make you worse" ↩
5. I promise I'm not going to have a "hotness rating" for each order of Monks but let me just say that this one warranted it. ↩
6. For the purposes of how much I like their web presence, not on any sort of religious basis. ↩
7. At least two to three new nuns a year, which is like...a lot for this kind of thing. ↩
8. Authority: me. Rubrick Standards: me. Oversight: me. ↩
9. With NO navigation system, good lord. ↩
10. A 9-hour drive would be worth it, imo. ↩
11. Sell Food or Have A Cat: The key to get Dev to visit your establishment. ↩
12. Special footnote to complain about how hard that word is to type consistently. ↩
13. This is a Visitandies issue. A lot of these are just poorly designed, but the sites run by this order seem to be ACTIVELY HOSTILE. ↩
14. I feel like I'm honestly just going to have to write out the gayest and most leftist blog post I've ever made after writing this out just to balance out myself internally. Current working titles: which Fighting Game Man would I do what MUGEN modders have done to them for years /or/ Every EVO is gay, shut up I'm right. ↩
